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I haven't really been on Newgrounds actively for a few years now, and I came back to read some of my old private messages and conversations with the fine folks here.
Jesus, was I an insufferable little piece of shit. But more on that later.
For now, I would like to share a few thoughts on the matter. I don't expect anybody to read this, I just want to lucidly type for a moment. If you're not interested in what I have to say here, I'd stop reading now and do something, ANYTHING, else.
I joined Newgrounds many years ago, when I was around 11 or 12 years old. The fact that I was breaking the site's "You MUST be 13 or older to write on the forums/submit content" rule didn't faze me in the slightest. After all, I was a talented, mature kid! People would love me and my witty, tween-based sense of humor and ideas! I would be an overnight sensation!
Yeah, that didn't work out well for anybody, really.
I was a dick. I trolled the forums, messaged people constantly advertising my "up-and-coming" forums (all of them hosted on free domains, might I add), got butt-hurt when people didn't like my truly awful submissions, and much, much worse. I was difficult, I was a musiance, and I was just another immature fucking kid who cursed too much and had nothing positive to add, unless you count Microsoft Paint stick figures as "positive".
But all of that's changed now.
Actually, it hasn't. I'm 16 years old as of writing this, which, at the very least, means I'm now technically able to have a Newgrounds account. Progress! But more importantly, I'm still a growing kid, who's on a website full of highly talented people doing shit that I could never even DREAM of accomplishing.
I watched that new movie that came out a month or two ago on Newgrounds, the one about the futuristic lottery winner who lives a life of poverty, and it absolutely blew me away. The length, the scope, the obvious work and heart poured into the project. The silence that impacted the effect of the movie, and, last but not least, the file size. Over 200 megabytes, which is unheard of on Newgrounds (as far as I know). It showed me how far Flash can go, how far Flash SHOULD go.
In contrast, here's one of the latest things I uploaded to Newgrounds. It's some bullshit about a bucket, or something. It's awful. From what I remember, I made that animation as a joke for my sister, but why I uploaded it to the internet, for the world to see, is beyond me.
Well, it's not beyond me. I was an idiot. A simplistic child. A worthless addition to a website full of winners and losers. I was worse than the losers. I was an underage kid.
I am finally able to realize how truly, truly terrible I used to be, and how terrible I still am. This post is not meant to show how mature I feel I am, and how I can now be a proud member of this fine website. No, far from it. I know that I'm still a worthless teenager who's ideas are rarely ever executed well, and I know that I am still a dumb teenager, plain and simple. I know all of this. But I know that I am nowhere near as bad as I used to be, and I would like to apologize for my past behavior. To those of you who I harassed, or bothered, or treated poorly (and there are many of you), I'm sorry. I felt great shame reading those old messages, and I want you guys, if you somehow read this post, to know that I didn't mean any of the harsh, yet simplistic insults I came up with. Things such as "horse-fucker" and "fukinng ASSWIPE!11!!!" Yeah, I was THAT kind of asshole. Again, I'm sorry.
What is the point of this post, you may be asking? Honestly, I have no fucking idea anymore. I guess I just wanted to vent these feelings, because it's crazy to me how bad I used to be, and how bad I likely still am, but can't fully see yet. I guess I just wanted to say that I wish I could lock up my access to the internet until I was old enough to realize what chivalry and decency towards strangers is.
What do I do with myself now, you are likely not asking yourself? I'm glad you asked! I've grown a larger interest in writing narratives, and I can say that my ability to do so has vastly improved over the years, if my english and film teachers are to be trusted. I enjoy making shitty little Youtube videos whenever I can (but, still having schoolwork, I often don't have the time to do so). If you're interested, you can watch my latest Youtube video, which is an exagerated parody of the soul-crushing artsy "Oscar-bait" films that I am tired of hearing about.
Yeah, I know, I still haven't improved much in terms of a sense of humor and filmmaking. But I can confidently say that I am learning, and I feel that I am much better now than I was a mere four years ago.
Lastly, I'm interested in comedy, what works and what doesn't work to make people laugh. I refuse to be one of those kids who just spurts out a bunch of annoying fucking memes (HAHAHA YOU MAD BRO?!?!?! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHH!!!!), and I try my best to come up with original jokes and ideas.
I do my best, but I know that I'm still a maturing kid. A kid who has little experience. But I feel that with every stupid, immature message, and with every pandering news post I write onto animation and game websites, I'm slowly becoming more and more of a tolerable human being, and I think that that's not the worst thing possible.
So, thank you for reading my thoughts, if you were bored enough. And to those of you who want to write "tl;dr" in the comments:
In summation, I used to be an immature little buttfuck, and I'm sorry for my behavior of past and present. I'm trying my best to change. For you. For the children.
And if you guys could help spread it around, like, favorite, etc etc, that'd be really cool. (:
Haven't posted here in a while. Since November '09 to be exact.
I don't do much Flash stuff anymore, I'm more into making videos. Almost all of them suck though. Like the ideas are good, but I need a new camera and mic. My current videos are just kind of my beginning things or whatever. I have like 4 good ideas I hope to epically film during the summer.
I also have a good idea for a platform Flash game I want to make, but need a programmer. Where like, I get sucked into a crappy-animated video game land [with video intro and outtro of me being sucked in] and I have to go through some 1-frame stages, maybe like 30, to get back to my world.
I took pictures of me moving and stuff and the annoying thing is getting the background out of the images and erasing all the white in Flash. I wish I could export the images with transparent backgrounds instead of white. But what are you gonna do?
I'm currently working on my newest movie!
I got Flash on my new laptop so I'm trying to make the best idea possible for my first entry since Billy Mays died o_o
Well it's gonna be an extremely quick short. I just started, literally I only got one frame, but thanks to Thanksgiving Weekend (no school), if I work hard I'll be done by Sunday:D
If anyone may wanna voice-act, I'd appreciate it, because my microphone is horrible quality.
I won't give the idea away just yet, but I will say one thing: It's gonna be simple animation. I want people to focus on the jokes and not the people that much. Saying that, the backround will not be drawn by me. I'm horrible at that and I don't wanna hear any "Woowww lololzzz u cnt draaw fer shitt"
Well if you can help me voice-act (I need a sorta-manly voice. No women or kids please) please PM me.
I'll leave with frame 1 (which only has basic art; I didn't even completely finish frame 1 yet, as today I've been pre-occupied on getting the backround and stuff)
Sorry if the picture is bad quality, by the way.
Well a few things:
COLLECT THE EGGS
The game is going strong. Me and The-One-Banana are discussing weapons and defensive items, as well as a few surprises I can't say. The final engine is near completion, and at this rate the game should be released in July or possibly August
Since I suck at animation, I might as well try art. I just submitted my first piece, and plan to submit more periodically during the summer. IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD SCOUT ME... honestly I doubt that will be happening any time soon though..
I never plan to return normally posting in the forum, but I will post sometimes, rarely, just to make a topic, either for my own evil purposes or just for boredum.
Also, Knock You Down by Keri Hilson IS NOT A GAY SONG!
Well first of all I want to say that I deleted my Twitter.. it's VERY pointless and I'll just stick with Myspace updating.
Now let's get onto buisness. Well I basically stopped going on Flash so no Pico game/movie from me, but yeah, I kinda lost interest in Flash. During summer if I get bored I'll pull out my now-dusty waste of $200 tablet.
Collect the Damn Eggs-According to The-One-Banana it should be fully 100% complete in April or May, with possible Kongregate/Newgrounds(???) achievements.
No news on anything else at the moment however. Also, I'm addicted to Monster (Energy drink), as you can plainly see in both my main pic here and the glorious picture below. I don't care that it is worse than 5 Cokes, and I don't care it has 200 calories, and I don't care I waste $2.50 a can. It's all fucking worth it I tells ya!
I feel like such a mothefucking fag.. just follow me
Havent posted one of these in a while. Damn myspace has officially sucked me in...
Well I guess I have a few things to say:
Going Up 2. The art has been done for a long-ass time, just waiting for the programmer to finish. No word on how long thats gonna take, hopefully will be done before may.
That physics stacker is also 100% done art-wise, currently being programmed.
The egg game will probably be done by May. Possibly June.
And about me... Well since I left the community I've kinda changed.. Now I am a total rock lover (I'm listening to gives you hell by the all-american rejects right now). I also like comics now (I just finished Watchmen on Thursday... I can't believe rorschach died! *spoliers ftw*). I also haven't been on flash in a while, but I am hoping to be struck with a grade-a idea for a movie or game... Any time now..
My grades have been going down too.. Twice last week I was threatened to detention, I almost got an f in computer, i need to cheat in some classes to get by... Ah screw it I'm still smarter than a lot if my friends.
And I watched the kids choice awards. Most retarded shit I've seen in a while. No seriously, worse than gossip girl. Its that bad.
Well Newgrounds, I am disapointed to say that I won't be visiting NG much anymore. I will still vote 5 submissions a day, as well as make Flash and watch movies and games, but I will no longer be an active community member.
There are about 3 reasons, but the main reason I'm leaving is because of Myspace. Well, I've been logging on every 10 minutes. I've also been going out more, and I have been having more of an interest in girls than ever, so I've been trying to keep my looks as high as possible (which is pretty damn low), and that is even harder t do with all my acne. I've been using Proactiv for 3 months, and it apparently takes 6 months to fully work.
So Newgrounds, I'd like to say gooodbye. I know I'm not known that well, but I think you all deserve to know. So yeah, I will miss you all that I've come to know on Newgrounds